What happened to your wisdom that recovery takes half the length of the relationship?”I smiled in spite of myself. “That was bullshit,” I argued. “I wasn’t ready to date.”“And now you are,” she said. “Let Linda set you up with her friend or start looking around here more seriously. Hell, I bet Mrs. Sanchez could use a strong man around the house. You could play horsey with her for a little while. It’d be good for both of you. Make her feel young and remind you that you’re still alive.”I laughed at that a little. “I do have a thing for older women now,” I reminded her. Her birthday was a month before mine and I teased her about being the first older woman I’d dated.“Well, if that’s your pleasure, isn’t there a nursing home on your way to work?” she teased. “You could get one of the old gals to take her teeth out and pull down those sexy polyester slacks...”“Oh, stop!” I laughed. It seemed like forever since I’d laughed.“If that’s what it takes to get you to stop dwelling on it and. M... Agonizingly, the seconds tick away and the ebb and flow of the office tide sways around me as if I was not physically present. My co-workers ignore me as if they sense my distraction and the need for several minutes of privacy. What is it about my life, my state of being, that is so unsatisfying, I ask myself rhetorically? Why am I so unhappy so... so unsatisfied, so unfulfilled?Is this what I want? Does this represent the limits of my professional aspirations?Deep, deep down I know that this is part of the problem. Raised in a strong, nurturing middle class family, I was taught to strive to be self sufficient, self reliant, to strike out in the world and climb the mountain and the next and the next, always looking for more, for better, as a source of personal satisfaction, if nothing else. This agency, this office is not providing the challenge I need. Nepotism has set in. Decisions are as much on the basis of family considerations as they are on business. Promotion is on the.
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